My two 15-year old cousins, Anita and Fannie, have been staying with us for the last two days. As typical teenagers they are bored with just hanging out with the family. Even just three days away from their home turf and they are pacing the floors, pooching out their lips, and whining about the fact that there is no internet at either my parent's house or my house. Their biggest adventure so far was going to Katy Mills Mall yesterday afternoon. Imagine that. They would rather pace the mall then spend a quiet afternoon looking at surrealist art at The Menil Museum. To placate them I told them I would bring them here to the Cy-Fair College library so they could get their web messenger fix. As I let them sleep in until 10am this morning, which for them is an ungodly early hour to get up when they are on vacation, I pondered the fact of what concerns most 15-year olds these days. For them it's staying connected with their friends, boyfriends, their world of shopping, and when's the next meal. I thought back to when I was 15 and the things that most concerned me. Here they are:
My weight. Always was a full-figured girl. At 15 I was between a size 12 and 14.
My feelings for an unavailable man.
My feelings of being overshadowed by my slimmer, more popular best friend.
My concern over whether or not I would have a boyfriend.
Do I have enough friends?
Am I pretty and do other people think so?
Now (yikes I am dating myself here. @#$%&* it) 23 years later, sitting at my kitchen table feeding my coffee addiction I thought about the things that most concern me. Here they are:
My weight. New Year's resolution once again is to lose it. I'm still a size 14.
My feelings for two unavailable men.
Sometimes feeling overshadowed by my slimmer girl-friends when we all go out.
Wondering if in 2007 I will finally get a boyfriend.
Wondering if I have enough friends to keep me occupied.
Am I still pretty?
Oh, and one more, will I finally get a teaching job and get out of the poverty rut? (Back when I was 15 I was still being supported by mom and dad. Hmm...actually they still provide a great deal of support...mainly in the terms of groceries.)
Wow. I haven't changed much. Perhaps that is why I can't move forward. Because I am still stuck in a time loop of having the same basic feelings of insecurity. It's hard to let go of old habits, old patterns of thinking, and old feelings. That's why people make New Year's Resolutions. The old year is finally over and behind us. It's time to bring in the new. It's time for me to clean up my house and my mind. I know now what I have to do.