It feels as long as a gestation. Nine long months of silence. Of fallowness. Being here, wrapped up, as if in a cocoon, and finally at long last emerging as the butterfly I was always meant to be. Flying free. What can I say after such a lengthy hiatus. Lots has happened. I have, at long last, passed that dreaded test that has made my life such a living nightmare for four years. I have finally gotten my teacher's certificate. Now all I need is the job to go along with it. But now I don't feel like such a loser. Like such an idiot. A very dear friend said recently it isn't enough to be a good person or be creative. No, you also have to be cut-throat, go after the kill with the hunger of a lion who hasn't eaten in months, and show no mercy.
I have been though hell this past year. And it's not over yet. But it will be soon. Soon I will have my job. Soon I will get out of debt. Soon the status quo will have shifted in my favor and I can be the one to hold all the cards in my hand.
What does it matter if right now, at this moment, I sit alone in my house, drinking a glass of red wine by myself, all my friends and lovers out enjoying themselves on this Mexican Independence day? What does that matter when I have years, decades, centuries, millenia ahead of me to celebrate? I am almost ready to come out of my cocoon completely. And when I do, when I do, watch out.
I raise my wine glass to the heavens above. To the angels of heaven. To God above who never adandoned me in my greatest hour of need. Now all I ask is the chance to give back and to get a little enjoyment out of it for me. Amen.
