Yesterday I talked to my latest internet option. We were supposed to meet last night for our "first" date. But as fate would have it my parents took off to the casino and I had no-one to watch my son. So I called S and told him the situation. He was out and about at his job. At first he wanted me to come meet him right then and there but when I told him that I didn't have anyone to leave my son with he at first thought I was trying to get out of meeting him.
He said "Remember what I told you. Three strikes and you're out. This is strike one. You'll have to make it up to me."
"Oh." I said. "Uh, okay, I'll think of something."
Then he laughed and said "I am joking. You have to learn when I am joking. Come on you said in your profile that you had a sense of humor."
The fact is I don't know him, we haven't met, so no I don't know when he is joking. And yes my profile said I had a sense of humor but I certainly don't like someone telling me to have one right then and there. He talked my ear off for another hour about stuff like he has a gift of knowing what people think and he said "I know what you were thinking last night before you went to sleep. That this guy is either a really good bullshitter or too good to be true. And that you don't want to hurt me." I was quiet and I told him that yes that is what I was thinking. Actually what I was thinking was why he kept telling me things I just wasn't interested in and never once did he ask about me, what I did, what plans I had for my life, etc...So maybe part of what he said was true but you don't need some "Holy Ghost" talking to you to tell you that. He's got an Associate's Degree in marketing and sales. He drives a delivery truck all over the freaking city and the four cardinal suburbs delivering products to his clients. Of course he knows people and how to read their emotions and body language. He wouldn't be a very good salesman if he couldn't do that.
Finally I called him out on that point about why he hadn't asked me anything about me. His reply was "I know you have been through a lot. I don't need to ask you anything about you. When I meet you and look into your eyes then I will know if you are real. You sound like a good person with a big heart but when I look into people's eyes then I know if they are real or not." What kind of shit is that? Now in the world of dating we have to wait and look into each other's eyes before we determine if they're real or not? Well perhaps because of the nature of his job he needs to look into people's eyes. But my intuition and the nature of what I do relies on listening and talking in an equal fashion. And for three days all I've heard is this guy talk about himself and not once ask me anything about me. That does not sit well with me.
He finally told me to pray and to truly ask God to help me decide if I felt comfortable in meeting him. Which I did do last night. And quite frankly my gut and my heart tells me I will never be happy with someone with less education than me and that works in the trades instead of the professional fields. Perhaps that is shallow of me but I don't think so. I have no doubt S makes good money and can support me financially. But I don't care if he won the lottery tomorrow and made gazillions of dollars. Money is good but it doesn't keep me mentally stimulated. And I would prefer to make my own money and spend it however I want. I want to meet my mental, spiritual, and passionate equal. I did meet him in fact. But he was already taken and that is something I've had to accept. It sucks to high heaven but I have been dealing with it for over a year. With that person I would have been ecstatic. But it was not meant to be. So all I can do is keep my options open, pray that I meet someone similar to him, and keep up my faith that everything will turn out all right.
I took my profile off the internet. I will never use an on-line dating service again. I will never spend money on speed dating again. Instead I will use what resources I have in terms of going out and meeting people the old fashioned way. I am real. And I am ready to meet that person of my passionate dreams. But I will not compromise nor will I lower my standards even if that means I will continue to be alone for another six years. I hope and pray that that doesn't happen. That I will be with someone sooner than that. But I would rather be alone than with someone I can not love and can not give me what I want or need.