Tuesday, May 03, 2005

What is a sin

Desires for someone else that is not available to you? Would that qualify? What if he feels the same desire? Then we are both sinning and we are both damned. However, I really don't believe in the nature of sin. People make mistakes. People pay for those mistakes. But everlasting damnation, fire, brimstone, and suffering the fires of hell for committing sins I just don't believe in.

I follow my heart. The heart cannot be ruled. Niether can love. It happens or it doesn't. My heart desires this man. My love is wrapped up tight andI won't let it out. Because I know that he is not free to love me. Therefore I can desire him but not love him. If he told me tomorrow that he loved me then perhaps I would unlock my heart and desire and love would be fused into that passioante feeling that has been denied me for so long. I long for that feeling to return. I do remember what it felt like to be in love. It was wonderful and scary. It made me tremble, it made my stomach flutter, it made my breath escape through the small part of my lips. My body remembers what it was like to be in love. My mind remembers each and every moment that demonstrated that love. Those memories are faded now. Like the love I remember.

I am on a quest for the divine. The divine love that God feels for us and that we feel for him. It is possible to feel it here on earth. I am on a quest to find it and I come to it through the people I meet. But I am searching for that one person who will understand this quest and not be afraid to face it with me. How then can all these feelings I have for one person in particular be a sin when I am sure he could be the one to go on this quest with me?

God put him in my path for a reason. Why if not to explore this love and unfreeze my heart?

1 comment:

Miguel Caminador said...

This is a beautiful essay. Very exploratory, and risky. I agree with the idea that a loving God probably has little need for a hell or eternal damnation. When we hurt, the hurt is a design for instruction. The pain teaches us something, and when the pain goes away, the lesson stays, so that we may be able to make better in the future. A child feels the pain of the stove, and learns something... Do I still love the child? of course. But God has no use for an eternal Hell, because the pain of hell has no purpose. There is nothing to be taught or learned, since there is never an opportunity for correction and perfection. Eternal Hell has no purpose, and therefore does not exist.

As for sin-- be careful when you follow your heart, because you have two hearts... One that is flesh and one that is of spirit. Listen to both. If they are in agreement, act on it. If they are in disagreement, you must then decide who will be master and who will be the servant. A word of caution: the body makes a terrible Master.