Dear Dr. McS.

There are a few questions I've been going over in my mind that I would like to ask you. Let's cut to the chase and I'll start out with why are you such an asshole? I look into your washed out blue eyes and see coldness there. You are the head of one of the largest urban schools in nation's 4th largest city. But do you really know what happens in your school? Did you know that one of your AP's lets certain things slide when it comes to a particular teacher because of a personal relationship that cropped up between them? However, if that AP caught me doing something out of bounds you'd definitely hear all the details. Did you know that the students of the school know about your shower, your nice ice-chest, and all the other little perks in your office and ask me why their classrooms are so over crowded, why the desks are falling apart, why there are holes in the pipes, the AC breaks down and we all suffocate while you relax on your laurels in icy comfort? Do you care that your teachers all suffer tremendous amounts of stress due to over-crowded classrooms, insufficiant supplies, the seeming neglect that they get from the administration, a technology dept. that doesn't work, APs that don't give a rat's ass, and the overwhelming discipline problems they face on a daily basis?

Oh yes, I heard you say once that you worked very hard to keep all the BS from reaching our ears so that our lives will be easier. If this is easier then I would rather hear the BS because honestly it couldn't be much worse. When was the last time you walked into a teacher's classroom and actually observed teaching going on? When was the last time you stopped and talked to a teacher that you normally wouldn't speak to unless you were reprimanding her for some transgression? Do you know all your employees by first and last name? Do you know who is married? Divorced? Who has kids and how many? Do you know their birthdays? Their triumphs and their sorrows?

The fact is our school is an exceptionally large one. I realize that it must be very hard to run a school that large and keep your sanity. But if you ran it like a human being instead of a business and saw people not data, numbers, percentages, and sucsesses/failures than you actually might have a school with a staff and with kids who gave a damn. I am angry and bitterly disappointed with the shabby treatment I have gotten from your "exceptional school" over this past year. I have worked my ass off for you for three years. I have sponsored clubs, organized banquets, chaparoned dances, covered other teacher's classes at the drop of a hat, actually went to the Bridge to talk to one of my students going through the program, and I question if it was all for nothing. That is three years of my life that I will never get back. Three years in which I could have been somewhere else but I wanted to be a teacher so I could make a difference. And I know I have in all the little ways that your grandiose ideas could never appreciate. That has made my three years worth it even though for the past month I have questioned my very reason for living and have lost my faith in people, the educational system, in love, in compassion, and in justice. Damn you for shaking my faith and beliefs this way. And thank you for being such a jerk because it makes me appreciate my true friends all the more. You will not destroy me. You can knock me down. You can fire me. Put me out on the street with no recommendation but I will survive this. My faith may be shattered but it's not completely gone. I will get it back. But look in the mirror sometime and ask yourself if you could ever be so lucky.